She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
