Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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