guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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