I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
