i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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