69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
