I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
