there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
