He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
