I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
