btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
