watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize