mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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