So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have tasted many bathrooms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize