Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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