i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
