Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
