I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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