i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
