But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
