I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
