I want to have your abortion
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize