also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
