What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
