Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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