Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
