My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize