Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
