His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
