i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
