I can text with my tongue
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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