one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
