You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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