im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
