the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
