there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
