dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
