So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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