i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
