the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
