I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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