Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
