Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dating After Heartbreak
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way