one word: firstdatebathroomanal
are you so shy because you have an std?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful