SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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