Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2