as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.