So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
