Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
