I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
