i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
