She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
