He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hippo gnu deer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
