Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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