Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
