puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
