Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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