Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
