smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
