I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
