I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm passing your future prison.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
