can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
