Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
