vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
