how can u be prego again
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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