I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
